5  Most essential Tips for Basketball Parents

Will Smith's Grammy-winning song, "Parents Just Don't Understand," has echoed in my mind for many years. You see, I've been deeply involved in youth activities for the past 35 years. I spent a decade studying and teaching Martial Arts.

  I studied under Martial Arts legends Professor Willie "Bam" Johnson

 Master Dennis Brown

and Oso Tayari Casel. 

My 10 years teaching is where I develop my high energy approach to coaching young, inexperienced players  as well as  my teaching  style in class.   At the same time I was teaching Kung Fu I was coaching recreational Boys' basketball.

  

I transitioned to my next coaching adventure for the next decade, Gardenville Baseball.  I able an all in type of person so when I get involved I am totally immersed in the adventure.  At one point I coached a couple in-house teams in addition to the Travel/RBI teams for 11-12 & 13-15.  My baseball teams were no joke.  They could PLAY!. 

   While I was coaching Baseball I started my current adventure - Lady Lions Girl's Basketball in 1997 because my daughter didn't have anywhere around me to play. The team that started practicing on Sunday's in St Alphonso school's gym/cafeteria/auditorium combination room where we had to take down chairs and tables before every practice and put them up afterwards has grown to the largest, longest running girl's only basketball in the state over the past quarter of a century.

Life Has come full cycle 

 For the past 15 years I added High School coaching alongside the Lady Lions.  I currently coach girl's Basketball at Chesapeake High School in Essex, Md. with one of my closest friends Darryl Hunter,  We took a losing program to establish as one of the competitive schools in our region. 

I did coach Football and Softball at the school.

On the professional front, I just wrapped up a 15-year journey in education, and in a previous career, I ran a group home business housing 12 residents across three separate houses. I've worn the hats of a coach, an umpire, a referee, and yes, a very enthusiastic parent. So, let's dive into my insights, beginning with some introspection.

I consider myself fortunate to have had interactions with thousands of children who weren't my own. While I've received some constructive feedback from concerned parents, I've also been on the receiving end of unsolicited advice countless times. In this blog, I aim to guide parents on the best ways to support their child's athletic pursuits. While I'll use basketball references, these principles apply to any sport.

1. Understanding Your Child's Player Type
• It's essential to identify your child's inclination toward basketball. Are they:
• Players who merely enjoy the game?
• Basketball players who deeply love the sport?
• Ballers who live and breathe basketball?
• Tailor your involvement based on their aspirations.
2. Accentuate the Positive
• Emphasize positive reinforcement. Acknowledge good plays and effort, even in practice.
• Avoid piling on criticism; players are aware of their mistakes.
• On the ride home, refrain from discussing the game, especially after a loss. Allow them to decompress.
3. Patience in Skill Development
• Be patient with skill development, particularly for younger players.
• Kids grow and develop at varying rates.
• Encourage fun early on to keep them engaged.
• Stress teamwork in team sports.
4. Understanding the Game
• If you haven't received official training, avoid commenting on the rules.
• Neil deGrasse Tyson once said, "One of the great challenges in life is knowing enough to think you're right but not enough to know you're wrong."
• Familiarize yourself with terms and rules to avoid misguided remarks.
5. Dealing with Coaches
• Research programs thoroughly before committing.
• Communicate with coaches, asking any questions you may have.
• Follow these rules for constructive communication:
• Avoid discussing game-related matters directly after the game.
• Don't compare playing time with other players.
• Respect the coach's experience and decision-making process.

In the realm of youth sports, two spheres exist. First, there's your child's self-esteem, where parents hold the primary influence. No one understands their child's feelings better than parents, and if a coach negatively impacts self-esteem, it's time to reconsider. Second, there's the sport itself. Parents often don't know what's best here. Trust the process and the coaches; they're trained for it.

Bonus Tip: If your child isn't motivated to practice on their own, investing in a trainer may not be the solution.

I hope these five suggestions will help you foster a positive relationship with your child's coach. We're all partners in your child's development. In future blogs, I'll share my thoughts on child development and parenting. Don't forget to check out "The Maryland Multiverse" on my YouTube channel, "The Original Black Nerd," for comic book and movie reviews. Explore "The OBN Collection – The Black Superhero Experience" at www.obncollection.org. For the latest collection updates and photos, follow me on Facebook and Instagram – The Original Black Nerd. Until next time, remember, "Every Day is a New Adventure – Live it to its fullest!"

Hey Coach - Common Comments I have heard over the last 20 years

This is a link to the audio version of the piece

Hey Coach

Can I ......?
Can You ......?
I Can ..... .
I Can't ......
Watch Me .....!
It Wasn't My Fault ......
It Is the Refs ......
It Is the Ball ......
It Is the Rims ..........
It Is Her ...........
Its Not Fair .......
It Is NOT me ......
I want to .........
I don't want to .........
They Are Cheating .......
She Got In Front of Me ......
She Was First Last Time ......
I Forgot .....
I Lost .......
I Didn't Bring .......
My Mother Has .......
My Father Didn't Bring ... .....
Why Can't We .....?
Are We going to .....?
I Think ......
I Didn't Think ......
She Won't .....
She Can't ....
I Am Better Than .....

Hey Coach- Thank You.

Much like the movie Monster Inc/he smiles, laughter and joy of children re-charged my spiritual battery. Every excited story they rambled about, Every detailed analysis of the video game, Every mood change has filled my soul with joy

They have helped me without even knowing that they have helped me
They have motivated the motivator

Change the World of A Child and It Will Change You.

Hey Team – Thank You 

Fans for Life

What about everyone else?


I coach many girls who like to play basketball but are not Ballers. A baller wears a "Ball Is Life T-shirt "because she wanted to buy it. A girl who likes playing basketball wears the same t-shirt because it is fashionable. Over the past 20 years of coaching Alexis Washington, Charles Brown and I have coached some legitimate BALLERS. We have coached 10- D1 players, 35 – All-something players including 6 - All-metro and 2 POYs. Our greatest pride is in the 12 players selected as their team's McCormick's Unsung Hero Award. As a coach, I have experienced winning by 50 points and losing by 50. I coach multiple teams which occasionally mean I experience both extremes in the same day. I am entering my 12th year of coaching girl's high school basketball and my 21st year of coaching travel/rec/AAU/club basketball. I have been blessed to have coached against many great coaches at different levels. My unique coaching perspective occurs during the tine when my Recreation and High School seasons overlap. On in-house Saturdays, I coach players in every grade PK – 12.

I coach some Ballers, but I coach more girls who like to play basketball.

I have watched many of my players beg their parents to stay after a loss to look at a team of Ballers play. They could become the fans in the stands or the college student coming to the women's basketball games because they remember having fun playing the game. As they age, they might play in pickup games, college intramurals or recreation leagues. Those players should become Coaches, Referees, and crazy parents. Girls who like to play basketball would be Fans for Life if their basketball experience were fun.

They COULD become – They MIGHT play – They SHOULD become – They WOULD be but WILL they be Fans for Life?

Fans for Life will happen when their youth basketball experience is fun! I believe Fun comes in 3 parts.

A) Teammates -

The "Ball is Life" t-shirt should read "Ball is Social Life". If "mean" girl activities are going on -"Team Bye" that behavior will drive players away. Quick, fast and in a hurry.

As the coach, if my primary focus is on winning - the players' main focus will be on blaming teammates. Today, very few people take responsibility for their part in something failing, players are no different. If the coach's focus is about maximum effort - each player will have an opportunity to get praise. Players who are diving for the ball that is on the ground get the same praise as the player making a three-point shot. Each player is contributing to her effort; it is a win-win situation. The player feels good about herself, her teammates appreciate her more, and the coach is getting a team that each player is striving to give her maximum effort.

B) Playing Time -
The dilemma that has faced every coach of every team in any competition. No player enjoys being on the bench the entire game. No parent likes to watch their child on the bench the entire game. No coach wants the pressure of getting everyone in the game. None of them want to lose. What happens when you can't put a player in the game because she will crack under game pressure but she can't develop the toughness to play in game pressure if she doesn't play?

At the player level - She must understand what she must do to get more playing time. What type of learner is your player? The instruction must be specific, attainable and communicated in a manner that the player understands. Coaches shouldn't assume that the player knows all basketball lingo and terms.
At the parent level – have your daughter play in in-house leagues. In-house leagues (preferably all-girls) will provide girls who like to play basketball an opportunity to have fun playing in a relatively non-pressured environment, and it allows Ballers to play in a controlled pick-up game. Playing in this type of game will allow your Ballers to develop their rhythm of the game that you get in pick-up games. If your daughter wants to play travel, you should try to find a travel team with players of similar skill levels.
At the coach level – simple things like :

1) You should have your team play at the appropriate level. A simple measure is this – If your team is always losing by 20 or more points, you should find a lower level to play in. The exception- if you are beating the lower level teams by 20 points then you are where you are supposed to be.
2) If you are winning or losing by 20 points, play your bench. You shouldn't press a team that can't handle the pressure after you are up 20+ points.
3) At the elite youth level, you should have the best interests of players and parents by not adding players on teams that you know will get very limited playing time. You shouldn't take her if you are not going to play her. Colleges don't recruit teams they recruit players. At the youth travel level, if you have an elite player but a non-elite team you shouldn't stand in her way to play on a different team if she and her parents choose to play elsewhere

C) Coaching – I tell my new parents – the Lady Lions are a try it before you buy it program. I want you to participate in a couple of practices before you commit. This experience will give both the player and parents an opportunity to see how I coach. I believe to be a coach who will create "Fans for Life" provides a fun experience that incorporates the 4Cs – Consistent – Complimentary – Caring – Communicator.

Consistent – Players appreciate consistency from the Coach. If the Coach is there all the time, it is one less thing to she has to worry about while playing. She is already dealing with all this basketball stuff she is trying to understand, her parents' expectations plus she is excited just to be able to play.

Complimentary – the Coach should see everything going on in the game – large and small. There are plenty opportunities during the game to deliver compliments on the effort. A compliment on effort significantly enhances the player's confidence. A confident player will grow into a confident young woman. My good friend Coach Darryl Hunter preaches to his coaching staff – You have to make DEPOSITS before you make WITHDRAWALS! My personal goal when talking to the team or a player is, to begin my conversation with three compliments before I go into what you/we did wrong. I make extra deposits in practice because honestly, I will make a few withdrawals during the game.

Caring – In my living room, I have a memento from the WBCA 25-year celebration luncheon in 2006. It is a quote from motivational speaker former Baltimore Colt Joe Ehrmann. The quote states "There is a myth in America that sports build character. Sports don't build character Coaches do". If your players THINK you care about them and the team, they will play hard. If they BELIEVE you care, your players will run thru walls for you.

My full disclosure statement - I am one of those loud, expressive, passionate coaches but that is just my style – I am not advocating my style of coaching.

I believe that every coach, teacher or instructor cares about their players or students. We have a relationship with the team and a relationship with each player. A part of character building is providing constructive criticism. Constructive criticism is caring. From the player's perspective, constructive criticism is not what you say it is how you say it. In practice, if a player makes a wrong decision I ask them what other decision they could have made. Depending on their answer, I figure the best method on how I will explain to them: what is a better choice next time, why it is important and an example of how it would work in a game setting. How you deliver that message is depending on your coaching style. As stated in my disclaimer my style is my style, not the only style. I am consistent with my intensity the players and the parents know what they are going to see and hear from me. I am just as expressive with complimentary reactions to every effort play made by a player or any attempt by the team or individual player at executing what we do in practice.

Communicator – My communications professor at the University of Baltimore made a statement in class that has been my mantra ever since. She stated that the messenger has responsibility for the message being understood by the recipient. If the message is so important and vital to the beneficiary, then you as the messenger must adjust the message to one that the recipient can understand. Sometimes, it can be a simple as terminology. You are speaking a foreign language to them. You must make sure that they understand the words coming out your mouth. There are other times that the player doesn't know the reasons for doing what she asked to do so she can't see the benefit. I have found that once a player understands why she is doing something, the more effort she puts into doing it. A parent who brought their daughter to play with us told me "I like it here; everybody gets yelled at the same – the best player or last on the bench - you have no favorites."

Basketball is a fun game. It is a game where you can go through every emotion – happy, sad, mad, scared, excited – in one play. Coaches and parents can quickly change the culture if we modify the question from "Did you win" to "Did you play your best." If a team/player plays with maximum effort, then they are a success regardless of the score. The other team was better that day.


The Lady Lions' motto is: WE MEASURE SUCCESS BY HOW FAR YOU HAVE COME, NOT BY HOW FAR YOU HAVE TO GO!
Keep it Fun, and we create Fans for Life!

And That's All I Got To Say About That !!!

Change The World of a Child, and It Will Change You!

The Blog's FULL description It was more than the 500 characters allowed!

For those who know me, I bet your reply to the title is " I am shocked" LOL Welcome to my blog - Diary of a Girl’s Basketball Coach – Coach Tully Talks. The primary focus of this blog will be my insights and experiences in the world of female basketball. I have coached girls’ basketball since 1997. During a week, during basketball season, I will coach girls in every grade K-12. My coaching experience gives a unique perspective on the joys of coaching girls’ basketball as well as insights into the motivations of these athletes. I also have the perspective of being both a High School and travel/Rec/club coach. I love girls’ basketball with all the experiences that it brings me. I also love my family, friends, coaching JV high school football, JV high school softball and teaching so this blog won’t be just about girls’ basketball. Check out my first rant, I mean lecture, ummmmmmmm my first Blog entry. Enjoy, subscribe, share, follow AND Comment!!!!

Change The World Of A Child and It Will Change You !